Apparently, a longing for childhood simplicity is destined to be a recurring theme in my life. Just this evening, my professional life somehow managed to become even more complicated than it was already. I miss not having to worry about jobs and finances and all such necessary evils.
An intense therapy session of musicals and chocolate helped abate the initial panic, but I still don’t have a solution. Why does life have to be so complicated? I’m sure that it’s always been this screwed up, but at least before I was blissfully unaware of it.
Simplicity is only a dim memory. These days, it’s just easier to answer “it’s complicated,” when asked about my job, my family, and my relationships. Explaining takes too long and frankly, I don’t want to get into all that. So, I won’t.
Life and all its complication are exhausting. I’m already tired. I long for the rest that only comes through a conclusion. Unbelievably, my brother James expressed my current mood quite exquisitely. I generally detest the use of poetry, but in this case, I must make an exception:
Through Fields of Memory
Sitting in stillness
Slowly living a little less
My body sore, my strength long gone
One looking would perceive but sleeping bones
But he would be mistook; my soul is elsewhere.
I've gone to my youth, back to warmth and energy
Racing the winds, laughing with the world
The grass my racetrack, a cheerful bird my starting gun
Trees and ferns and rocks and clover my home once more
Far away from the important doctors and the quiet family
I run through fields of memory