Monday, May 31, 2010

Lest We Forget

Today is Memorial Day. That means that it is officially summer! It is currently 86° and sunny—perfect weather for the picnics and pool parties being held on this national day off. Of course, I am at the office today… go figure.

Very appropriately, I just finished cataloging several books on WWII. As I flip through them, glancing at the pictures, all I can see are the faces. Men, women, children… innocence, evil, determination… every aspect of humanity stares back at me from the black and white pages. They had Pearl Harbor; we have September 11.

Patton said that war is hell. Anybody who has ever experienced it, even second-hand, as I have, has to agree. It used to be swords and horses, now it’s missiles and planes, but the devastation is the same. Those who endure it deserve our honor and respect. “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends,” and we must never forget such a sacrifice.

If you see a military veteran, thank them. Even the elderly gentleman selling poppies outside of Walmart—they are our nation’s greatest treasure. Billie didn’t come back, and Jae wants to go back again… Every time I hear a jet or heliocopter, or see a tank on a town common, I pray for our military. They're just as human as the rest of us.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Skipping Church

I did not go to church today. I know, you’re probably gasping in shock. The truth is, I do occasionally skip services. My faith is without a doubt the most important thing in my life, but sometimes “my faith is better served away from the rabid crowd.” I am not advocating skipping as a habit, but I do it myself every once in a while.

The church that I currently attend is within walking distance—which is the primary reason I chose it. It is as stereotypical a Baptist church as you could ever find. The congregation is healthy enough, not dying, but not exploding with growth either. I always know exactly what to expect when I go there and have yet to be surprised. I doubt I missed much this morning.

Growing up, I lived at church. My previous ecclesiastic experiences have left me somewhat burned and I often find myself resenting the trappings of religion: the PowerPoint, the offering plates, the sermon illustrations… I love the Lord, and I love the people, but sometimes I resent the accompanying paraphernalia.

This morning, I woke up exhausted. It was already 80-something degrees out and my knee was killing me after riding in a car all day yesterday. These are not excuses, but they are reasons. When I know that I would be unable to fully worship in a corporate setting, I stay home. So this morning, I slept in and had an extended personal devotional time, both of which were incredibly refreshing.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Here Comes the Bride Just Like the Other One

Today, I spent about eight hours sitting in a car in order to spend about an hour sitting in a church and about half an hour standing in the sun. Why would I do such a thing, you may ask. I asked myself that same question approximately two thousand times today.

The occasion was that of a wedding. A wedding is a peculiar beast. Supposedly, it is a celebration of two people’s love and dedication to each other. In actuality, it is an archaic social contraption, which legitimizes the transfer of property and power between families. The majority of a wedding ceremony is designed to satisfy medieval and Victorian guidelines of reasonable decorum.

Don’t get me wrong—I love to celebrate with my friends who decide to enter into honorable marriage. However, weddings and marriages are two very different things. A marriage is a sacred union that occurs when a man and a woman become one, for better or worse, till death do us part. A wedding is a display of wealth and copulation to society.

This is why most weddings are fundamentally the same. Oh sure, each may have a unique element (generally, the color of the bridesmaids dresses—teal or pink). These affairs usually cost at least several thousand dollars, but may never actually be paid for, thanks to the modern invention of credit cards.

So… congratulations to Karl and Liz! Your wedding was lovely and we all wish you well as you seek to combine your respective familial and financial obligations.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Pomp and Circumstance

My little brother is graduating from high school today! I am so proud of him and so sorry that I could not be there. Some times, living halfway across the country really stinks. Other times, it rocks.

Graduation is one of the modern constructs of society that signifies progression. It declares to the world that you have sufficiently BSed your way through a contrived academic system over the past four years to achieve mediocrity. This effort entitles a person to participation in a ceremony, during which they can expect to be exposed to several thousand germs.

Not that I intend to demean the accomplishment. I know that James worked very hard to survive in the harsh high school environment of drugs, sex and vampirism. I am certain that he savored each moment of commencement and will cherish each word spoken by people whose names he will forget very quickly. All that really matters is the hot robes and funny-looking hats, the only vestiges of the former golden age of education.

The next time you hear that same lame recording of classical music that all high schools (and most colleges) are required to use, think back upon your own graduation. Try to remember the special day—assuming you weren’t sleeping or strung-out. If it is possible to conjure fond memories, enjoy them until you remember what it was really like.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Home Sweet House

Earlier today, someone said to me, "you are where you live." I have already been recently contemplating the concept of Home and what it means to a person. To some, their dwelling is merely where they keep most of their stuff and occassionally sleep—these people would probably find their true home to be elsewhere, such as an office.

Where you live really does say a lot about you and where you are in your life. For instance, it would be unlikely for a family with several children to live in an apartment. Similarly, a socially active extrovert would not likely live in a cabin in the woods. If you live with roommates or alone instead of with relatives, that also says a lot. (Most generalities do not apply to New York City or other such evil metropolises.)

A few years ago there was a tv show called "Get Packing" which was quite short-lived and with good reason. The two contestants each had a few minutes inside someone's house to learn as much about them as possible and pack a suitcase for a weekend getaway... the person then chose his/her date based on the contents of the suitcase and how well the contestants had guessed his/her personality based on his/her house. The interesting thing about the show was how exactly precise or widely inaccurate the contestants could be.

If you look around my current apartment, I'm sure it would tell you a lot. A poster from my favorite film is framed and hanging in my living room. Most of my furniture is second-hand. I have two separate organizers for my shoes (one for dress shoes and the other for street shoes). There is usually a pile of dishes in the sink. Currently, there is only one toothbrush in the holder on the bathroom counter.

When I was growing up, my family moved around a lot. A lot. I hated it. Now that I'm out on my own, I would like to put down roots somewhere. Not necessarily here, where I am at this moment, but I do not enjoy a transient lifestyle of only a year or two in a town. I think that my generation has had it with the gypsy ways of our youth—parents moving around, parents moving out, parents provided by the foster-care system...

We young people have multiple, significant obstacles in our way, but we'll make it. We have to. I would want my kids to go to the same school for their whole education and not have to constantly make new friends. I want to be able to actually buy a house, instead of just renting. I want to invest in that house and make it a home for myself and for the family I hope to have someday.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Plan

I am a planner. I know, you’re probably like “DUH!” But really, I like having a plan. I like knowing what to expect and having a reaction prepared. Hope for the best and plan for the worst is how I tend to operate. Some things in life simply cannot be foreseen and that is when an emergency evacuation plan comes in handy (or at least that’s what they tell you during fire drills).

There’s an old saying that no plan survives the battlefield. We all know that history is written by the winners and I am tired of being a loser. Just ask any of the non-famous generals… losing is not fun. You probably don’t know who these guys are because they lost and I am not going to live my life that way.

Now, I will not make “the classic villain mistake of explaining my dastardly plot to you,” and you will not get me monologuing. However, I do intend to plan my play and play my plan, of that you may be certain. It is too easy to cast the loser as the villain, even if that is not the case—that will not be my fate. As far as I'm concerned, there's always a plan.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Little Things

Life really is about the little things. Someone once said that if you don't believe in the power of little things, you've never had a mosquito in your bedroom. Pretty sure I just made that up, but it sounded good, right?

Each day is comprised of little moments that add up. I savor getting a funny text from a friend and sipping my Mountain Dew. Indeed, when the big, important parts of life fall apart, the details are sometimes all that get me through the day.

I tend to notice the details and pick up on the tiniest hints. They can sometimes send my whole existence spinning, and not always in a good way. A friend's silence can be deafening. Seeing a name mentioned on facebook can blind me... Right about that moment, I need to remind myself that there is a bird singing outside my window and the sun is also shining through it.

Monday, May 24, 2010

RIP Jack Bauer... Yeah, Right!

The end of an era is upon us. Tonight, America will lose its greatest hero. We know that Jack Bauer is our greatest hero because Superman once challenged him and the loser now has to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants. Jack was unavailable for comment on the incident. You can never talk to Jack because he can't talk now. He'll explain later.

Our nation has learned many important things from Jack, such as the impotency of law enforcement perimeters and how to interrogate a terrorist with a lamp. There are many things we now say because of Jack, including “there’s no time, dammit!” Most of us are now much more suspicious of our coworkers because we can’t help wondering who is The Mole. These days, the last question on most health insurance forms is "Have you now, or ever in your past, made Jack Bauer mad?”

After tonight, Jack will hopefully have time to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom for the first time in eight years, before he goes to work on the rumored film project. He will probably never find or be able to hang onto true love, but we citizens are eternally grateful... that we didn't get shot.

Finally, I would like to remind and warn the writers of 24 that killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead—it just makes him angry. Someone was stupid enough to suggest that the only way to end the show was to kill Jack. Nobody knows who said that because Jack found him first, found out who he was really working for, and made sure nobody else could ever find out. Besides, we all know that if not even terrorists or New York City can kill Jack, you might as well not even try.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

No Regrets

There are many things in my life that I regret. Too many nights I have lain awake wondering “what if?” What if I had gone there, or had NOT said that, or had at least worn a different dress? Who knows how different my life would be if I had chosen differently in some of the seemingly most insignificant moments.

I know that all things work together for good and that there must be a reason in all this madness. Still, I am responsible for my own actions and may never know what providence I have denied. Bad things happen to good people every day through no fault of their own, and I am far from a saint.

Life goes on regardless of how much we screw it up. The sun continues to rise and mercy is new every morning. I need all the grace I can get to survive this crazy existence. Every day, I wonder why I am still here. I want to make a meaningful difference in the world, even if it’s just for one person in it.

I will continue to take chances, knowing that I may end up falling on my face. I may end up regretting some of my choices, but I already regret so many wrong decisions that I may as well make some new mistakes. It might be too late for some dreams to come true, but there are others. And if those don’t work out, there’s always chocolate. Bring it on!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Resolved This Day

I know that traditionally all resolutions are enacted at the onset of a new year and remain effective for approximately three weeks thence. However, I do not put much stock in traditions and am more than willing to dispose of any that are deemed idiotic and/or superfluous. This applies doubly to the area of resolutions, which I believe are best ratified when relevant, regardless of date.

A few of my recent resolutions include (but are not limited to):

Yogurt—I’ve started eating more yogurt and actually try to eat a serving each day. Yes, it is mostly because of Michael Westen, but it’s also healthy.

London—Going to London and England as a whole has been one of my dreams for as long as I can remember. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’ve decided that it will within the next year. If you want to come along, just let me know.

Blog—Especially during the summer, I am determined to post every day as a matter of personal discipline and creative exercise.

I cannot keep waiting for my life to start. Life is right now! If I keep saying “I’ll do it after I’ve paid off all my loans” or “I’ll go there after I’m married,” I’ll never do anything. I would hate to realize when I’m 85 years old that I lived too safely and didn’t have all those experiences. Sometimes, you’ve just got to make it happen. Why wait?

Friday, May 21, 2010

I Failed Kindergarten

True story: they made me repeat kindergarten. I don’t remember the exact reason, considering I was only five years old. I do remember that my teacher, Miss Stives, was the coolest person ever, with that 90s perm, giant glasses, and don’t forget the shoulder pads. The good news is that I did eventually pass the grade, finish high school a year early, and get elected class president in college.

One of the characteristics of my generation is turning out to be our individuality. While our obsession with personalization can be ridiculous, there’s a lot to be said for our confidence in ourselves. We are who we are and don’t try to change us. We have redefined failure and re-accept the challenge to “boldly go where no one has gone before.”

We don’t need good luck because we’ve never had it. Most of us have grown up in dysfunctional families, each with their own unique blend of single-parent-blended-family-step-and-half-sibling chaos. If we can survive our screwed up childhood, bring on the future! How bad could it be?

So what if you fail classes, default on loans, get evicted, lose your job, and get dumped simultaneously? We may not be the most responsible generation ever, but we are strong survivors. We don’t always know what we want, but once we know what it looks like, we go for it. I like to think that when we’re grandparents some day, we’ll each be able to tell our unique stories about the time we failed kindergarten but kept going anyway—and had fun doing it!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Tragedy Tomorrow, Comedy Tonight

The easiest way to know whether one of Shakespeare’s plays is a comedy or a tragedy is to skip to the end. Supposedly, tragedies always end with a death… comedies, with a wedding. Have you ever noticed how many contemporary “romantic comedies” end with the happy couple getting together? Lingering kiss and sentimental song included, of course.

Too many profound, realistic films are cast aside by modern audiences simply because they do not have a “happy ending.” Just the other day, a friend was expressing her disdain for Casablanca, because the hero doesn’t get the girl at the end. That, however, should not be the definition of a satisfying conclusion to a story. I love the end of Casablanca because Rick lets Ilsa go! He actually does the right thing and then moves on. After all, “the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.”

Our culture has become too Disney-fied for its own good. Sometimes, there really is no Prince Charming and the bad guys really do win. The Little Mermaid is a perfect example of this. In the original tale (transcribed by Hans Christian Andersen in 1836) the prince marries another princess and then the mermaid sacrifices her own life to save his anyway. Today, however, children grow up believing that they’ll live happily ever after and have everything they ever wanted—just as soon as they can get a credit card.

Life is neither a comedy nor a tragedy. Sure, you can dream of a magical kingdom, but do not compromise yourself to attain it. At the end of the day, it’s better to be alone and know that you did the right thing, than to have all your dreams come true and not be able to look at yourself in the mirror. That’s not a dream, that’s a nightmare that too many people live every day.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Today I interviewed for a part-time administrative assistant job and ended up with an offer—which I accepted. So now, I have two jobs and will be working 50-60 hours a week. Yikes and yay!

The additional income will be a blessing for which I don’t mind working. I love my work! Even though sometimes I have to remind myself how much I love my job, I’m actually kinda good with computers and enjoy the creative outlet. True, it may not be what I want to do for the rest of my life, but here’s to jobs that pay the rent! And the student loans. And buy groceries…

The LORD has always provided for His people’s needs. One of my favorite stories is the gift of manna given to Israel in the wilderness. What always struck me about that story is that while God sent the bread, the people still had to go out and get it.

Perhaps I inherited that famous Puritan work ethic from my Huguenot ancestors. At the very least, “seek and ye shall find, work and ye shall prosper—these were the watch words of my education, the ethos of my tender years” and they’ve stuck. I would feel dishonest if I didn’t work for my daily bread which God provides. I’m very grateful for this new job!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

On My Own

This morning, I decided to take out the trash on my way to work. As I was walking out the door, I bumped into one of my neighbors on her way to her car. “Why don’t you just have your husband take out the garbage?” she asked, quite innocently.

What I wanted to do was set down the bag and admonish her sternly for her insensitive attitude. In this modern age of feminine independence, I am more than allowed to survive without a man. Yes, I am single. I take out my own trash. I also change light bulbs, unclog drains, assemble bookshelves, and perform a myriad of other odd jobs around the house which would traditionally be considered masculine territory.

I did not say all of this to the poor girl. Instead, I merely smiled and told her that I am not married. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said.

That was when I really almost lost it. Why was she sorry for me? Because God had not made me to be a tall, skinny blonde? I’m so grateful He didn’t! Instead, He blessed me with intelligence, capability, and determination. If anything, I feel sorry for this girl.

Most days, I am incredibly grateful that when I get home from work I don’t have to cook if I don’t want to—unlike my neighbor. I also don’t have twice as much laundry to wash. So many aspects of my life are absurdly simplified by the absence of a man. I’m doing quite well on my own, thank you very much. Frankly, it’s going to take a freaking awesome guy to change anything in my life. We’re talking as awesome as Daniel Craig, at least.

... and PS, my future husband can expect to take the trash out.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Happy Monday!

Today is one of those days that generally gets a bad rap and for no other reason than its name. Think about it… if not for Monday, then we would eventually only end up hating Tuesday. After all, the work week has to start at some point or this may as well be France.

I admit that when my alarm went off this morning, my first conscious thoughts were not joyous. There’s just something about it being Monday that makes 0630 absolutely gruesome. It is very possible that my dad and Michael Scott are the only two people in the world who love waking up and going to work on a Monday morning.

There are, however, a few things to get excited about on a Monday. This evening’s tv schedule is great: House, Castle, 24, and Chuck. It’s only four more days till Friday… yeah, that’s all I can think of that’s exciting about Monday. Might as well get it over with and move on to the rest of the week.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Oops! I Did It Again

Last night my friend Amy and I went to a comedy club, which I’m pretty sure is the only one in Scranton. Neither of us had ever been before, but we figured it was worth a shot. The comedy was okay… not bad, but I know why these guys were playing Scranton.

Halfway through the last guy’s routine, he starts playing a movie quote game with the audience. That was when it happened. It was not entirely my fault... he did say just to yell out the answer if you knew it and he should have realized that eventually someone would know it. However, it turns out that I was actually the first person ever to get the answer correct.

The movie quote was “we keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well and live.”

In the pause that followed the delivery of the line, I leaned over to Amy and whispered that it was from Ben-Hur. She, being such a supportive friend, encouraged me to yell it out. So I did.

What followed was a moment of silence. It felt like there had been a death and indeed, there had been. I had killed the poor guy’s routine. At that moment, as everyone looked around to see who had said that, I knew that I had done it again.

I was instantaneously transported back to the first grade. The teacher asked “does anyone know where Antarctica is?” as the beginning of her lesson. I raised my hand and proceeded to inform everyone in the class that Antarctica is the seventh continent, located at the southern base of the globe, and is covered in ice and snow. Meanwhile, all the other kids were still trying to count to seven and wondering if AJ was ever going to get that Lego out of his nose.

As the comedian stood there staring at me, all I could think was “oops!” Somewhere around middle school I had discovered that having all the answers was not always a good thing. I had started keeping my mouth shut more and people started liking me more. But last night, I blew it. Nobody laughed. Everyone just stared.

Finally, the guy cleared his throat. “So what’s your name, princess?” he asked. “What are you, some kind of movie buff or something?” Yes. Duh. Also, my parents constantly used that line in reference to my household chores.

I did find it incredibly ironic that he called me princess while asking for my name, since that’s what my name means. From now on, however, I’ll try to keep my mouth shut along with all the other idiots. Hopefully, they may let me back into the club again someday.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Simple Pleasures

The Lord sure knew what He was doing when He commanded Israel to observe a day of rest. Personally, I love Saturdays. My personal sabbath provides a much needed opportunity to slow down and savor life’s individual blessings.

Hanging out till all hours, relaxing on a Friday night. The relief of a cool night breeze after a muggy day. Waking up when my body naturally wants to, without the annoyance of an alarm. The crunch of raspberry seeds in my yogurt. Feeling the burn of an intense workout. A long, hot, cleansing shower. The smoky but rewarding adventure of cooking an actual meal. A friend’s delight in watching a favorite classic for the first time. Licking chocolate off my fingers. An afternoon nap. Plans to try something new and fun this evening…

Saturdays really are the best. After a busy week that was full of work and stress, there is a lot to be said for enjoying the common grace of the world around us. I don’t need much more entertainment than the squirrels outside my window. The cotton-ball clouds drifting lazily across the valley is one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. This day is one of tranquility.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Drunk Dial

Today, two of my friends have been starkly contrasted before my eyes. I love both dearly, but only one of them is honest with me. This morning, she admitted to me that she had one too many last night—even to the point of drunk-dialing her boyfriend and telling him exactly how she felt about him lying to her earlier in the day. My other friend, on the other hand, has been hiding something from me for over a month. I already know what’s going on, but I would like to hear the truth from the source.

My Honest Friend knew that I would not judge or criticize her. She and I have such a transparent relationship that we can be painfully honest with each other about how we feel. H.F. knows that I want what’s best for her and that when she is open with me, I’m not going to hurt her but will try to help her. I wish that my Dishonest Friend would understand that aspect of what comes with my friendship. I want to help, but can’t if you won’t trust me with the truth.

Habitual dishonesty is rampant. We have forgotten how easily we can become trapped by a simple lie, forced to heap up untruths to cover the first. Even a simple greeting of “hey, how are you?” is normally responded to with “good, how are you?” It seems simpler to hide whatever may be wrong than to give a genuine answer. Maybe if more people replied “not good, but thanks for asking” ...but that's just crazy.

It concerns me that people are generally most forthcoming when inebriated. My D.F. may not have gotten drunk last night, but it was my H.F. who actually spoke the truth to me. The fear of rejection is crippling to the point of requiring external stimuli for us to get past it. Very few people have the courage to tell the whole truth to each other. Why can’t we constantly be painfully, embarrassingly drunk-honest with each other?

So, to those of you who are honest with me, no matter how potentially awkward and uncomfortable it may be for both me and you: THANK YOU!!! I love you and let's keep it up! Let's just do it sober, okay?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

A Sad Day for Hockey

This morning, I am having a very difficult time finding anything to celebrate. My beloved Pittsburgh Penguins were slaughtered last night. Thankfully, they're a vigorous lot and will be back again next year, much like the Antarctic breed, but still... heartbreaking. My heart is broken. It's lying on the ice in a thousand little pieces, each a frozen tear that I shed.

This unfortunate event is not a complete surprise. The Montreal Canadiens massacred the Washington Capitals just two weeks before in the biggest upset of the season. The Habs have the hottest goalie in the league at the moment and effectively halted Ovechkin's blitzkrieg before rolling into Pennsylvania. It will be interesting to see how much further they can go and it would no longer shock me if they went all the way to the top. Still, I have my suspicions about last night's game and will detail them here for you.

Reasons the Canadiens Won
Hal Gill is one of the best defensemen in the league. We loved him as a Penguin and miss him very much. Maybe a little too much. It seemed as though nobody could remember that he was playing for Montreal and kept giving him the puck, just like the good old days. Hal may have also just taken it for himself a few times, because let's face it, who's going to argue with a 6'7, 240 lb hunk of man who's holding a stick?

• Everyone knows that Canada wants the Cup this year. They think it would be really cool to win Olympic gold and the Stanley Cup in the same year (and honestly, it would be cool for them). I believe this sentiment to be shared by several Canadians on our team, namely Sidney Crosby and Marc-Andre Fleury, whose performances were apathetic at best. It is my assertion that they desire the victory more for their native land than their current team and therefore did not fight as hard as they could have against Montreal.

• As team captain, much of the blame falls on Sid "The Kid" Crosby, and rightly so. His apparent inablity to score, let alone effectively lead the team, is crippling. If you're going to be in charge, DO SOMETHING! Otherwise, I say we hand Mario a pair of skates and let him get back out there.

• While he is generally an excellent goal-tender, Fleury has his off nights just like every other guy. Coach Bylsma must have also been having an off night because he really should have pulled Fleury out by the end of the first period.

• I'm pretty sure the refs were bribed.

Consolations to the Penguins
• We did play all seven games of the series.

• It was not a shut-out, thanks to some of the guys who actually showed up to play. Big shouts out to my boys Geno and Jordan: LOVE YOU GUYS! Also Brent Johnson, whom I think should replace Fleury in the line-up next year.

• Speaking of next year, we're about to move into the beautiful, brand-new, state of the art, Consol Energy Center! Although I'm not sure how much improvement has been made in the art of freezing water in the past several thousand years... Anyway, the new arena is very exciting!

• Even though we have lost our shot at the Cup this year, so have the Capitals and the Red Wings. At least if we won't have it, neither will they!

• I found a dime on the sidewalk this morning.

So if you see me walking around doing my Keith Richards impression, it's just because I'm remembering that while you can't always get what you want, if you try, sometimes you get what you need. Right now I need my depression medication. I did just get some good news from my boss (apparently the Business Office isn't completely heartless), which is slightly exciting. I also found out that a roundtrip ticket to London costs about $1000, so any contributions would be appreciated. Then again, who needs roundtrip?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


This morning I had a revelation: I need to celebrate life! Not just the highpoints, but every minute of every day has been given to me for some reason and should therefore be celebrated. Who knows what's going to happen next...

Today's celebration was actually getting a bottle to come out of the soda machine. I literally heard fanfare in my head and yelled "TA DA!" while striking a victorious pose, Mountain Dew held high above my head.

Wednesdays are usually celebrated anyway. It is the one day a week on which I allow myself the precious nectar known as Mountain Dew. Otherwise, I would drink it everyday which would both cheapen its impact and add to my waistline--not to mention depleting my bank account. If you ever hear me refer to Dew Day, please understand that I mean Wednesday (Dew Day is simply *backwards*Wed-nes-day).

The past couple weeks, that blasted vending machine has been giving me great difficulty. One time it would not take my bill. I had to feed it into the candy machine and get coins returned before I could get my soda. Last week, the Mountain Dew was simply sold out. Tragic!

But today, O blessed day! I celebrate with my beloved Dew by starting a blog. I have recently been told that I need to be more open and "put myself out there" more, whatever that means. So here you go world, this is me.