Thursday, June 16, 2011

Stop and Stare

It is with great trepidation that I am publishing this. Today’s topic is one which has been heavily on my mind lately, but I am still somewhat unsure how it should be approached. However, I saw something on another blog about it and figured if that guy could talk about it, then I certainly could. I want to talk about beauty.

Recently, I was having dinner with a bunch of friends. We were all eating and chatting and generally having a good time when a woman walked into the room. In a moment that could have been straight out of a bad sitcom, every guy at the table stopped whatever he was doing and stared at her. While the men may not have realized what was going on, every woman at that table sure did.

For the record, this woman was gorgeous. When she walked in, the other women in the room wanted to hide under their chairs. We all know what men want because it is so painfully obvious. When someone sees something they like, they stop and stare at it. The dirty little secret that not many women would admit is that we like being stared at.

That night, I did not sleep at all. Instead, that moment kept replaying over and over in my head, in stark contrast to the greeting I had received from those same guys. Every insecure memory from high school came rushing back, along with all the times I’ve been described as having a great personality or sat at home alone on a Friday night. It took every ounce of resolution I had to get out of bed the next morning.

One of my favorite movies is Breakfast at Tiffany’s. A lot of people don’t understand why, but it makes perfect sense to me. I’m pretty sure that deep inside of every woman is a Holly Golightly. We would never admit it, but underneath all our confidence and accomplishment is a terrified 16-year-old who just wants someone to like her.

Today’s woman is bombarded by two very different messages in the media, typified in the Playmate of the Year and the Dove True Beauty campaign. These two images are entirely incompatible, yet they both persist. We all know who wins, though. At the end of the day, the Playmate wins. Why? Because the self-confidence boosting messages are coming from other women.

Feminism preaches that a woman does not need a man’s approval, that she is complete without him. Creation teaches something else entirely: that woman was created from man and for him. Try as they might, all the bra burnings in the world cannot change what is biologically engrained in every female. 16-year-olds and grown women alike will always crave masculine appreciation.

Another concept taught by Creation is that male or female, every human is designed for a higher purpose than mutual admiration. Our very existence is solely for the glory and pleasure of the Creator. This is the Truth to which I continue to cling. It is a fact which transcends the pain of loneliness.

Someone asked me the other day if I knew any good men. I said yes, but that the last one had just gotten married. Keep up the good work, guys! If you happen to be a man reading this, please realize that women don’t want much—we just need you to realize how what you say and do affects us. We’re just usually too scared to bring all this stuff up because we’re worried you might label us as “high maintenance” or “unreasonable.”

To my female readers (as I know most of you are), I hope you know that you’re not alone. I’d urge you to mediate on truth and not believe all the lies out there. We’re not all supermodels, but we were all fearfully and wonderfully made the way we are for a reason.

Whoever you are, thanks for reading all the way to the end. Please understand that I do not mean any of this critically; I want merely to address an issue. No problem was ever solved without first being discussed. Feel free to continue the discussion in the comments section. I'd love to hear what ya'll have to say about this delicate subject.


  1. "We all know who wins, though. At the end of the day, the Playmate wins. Why? Because the self-confidence boosting messages are coming from other women." Well worded. :) Thank you for your thoughtful presentation!

  2. The most ironic thing about that same comment is the "Playmates" stuggle ALMOST worse then we do. ANY playmate that has gone onto DWTS has struggled in the classicly Beautiful Dances.....