Thursday, March 10, 2011

Centipede IV: A New Hope

This afternoon I returned to my office to find an old foe lying in wait for me: un ciempiés de muerte! Brashly perched on the wall behind my desk, it crouched just above my phone. Completely taken aback by this sneak attack, I was unprepared for the surprise visit. The months of silence had lulled me into a false sense of security and I had dropped my guard.

As my enemy and I stared each other down, I thought back to how many people had never believed in its existence. A lack of evidence has given rise to the general sentiment that I was overreacting, possibly even imagining the danger. Slowly, carefully I reached into my pocket for my cell phone—this particular monster would not perish unnoted. I snapped a quick picture.

My old friend and ally Laura is no longer with us in this library, having moved on to a better place. This particular specimen of evil was relatively small compared to some others I had faced. However, considering its location on pale taupe wall, this crafty devil could not be squished for fear of leaving a smudge: a different approach would be required.

Emboldened by Laura’s distant cries of “Kill it! Kill it dead!” I went in search of a new and fearless champion to slay the beast and discovered Ashley. She was hard at work on the laminator, a horrid machine which is no doubt in league with the centipedes. Hearing my pleas for help, she immediately left her post to come to my aid.

We searched high and low for the perfect weapon and finally settled on a napkin from the coffee station. Marching straight into my office, Ashley paused only to comment on the repugnance of the spawn of Satan. In one fell stroke, she yanked it from down from where it had been fleeing toward the cabinets, slaying it amidst loud cheers.

The body was disposed of in a public trash can to serve as a warning to other trespassers. While preceding Centipedes of Death have been full-grown to maturity, this was only a young scout. Doubtless, there is a nest nearby. The arrival of Spring has awakened the terror with new vigor. Dark and perilous days may be ahead of us, but we have a new strength on our side. We will prevail.

1 comment:

  1. I am both repulsed by your descriptions of my old enemy, and reassured by your vow to keep fighting. DEATH! DEATH! DEATH TO THEM ALLLLLLL!