Today was not a good day. One of my purposes with this blog, however is to be honest. Today makes it hard for me to celebrate life. Life has had a habit of kicking me when I’m down lately. I do not wish to get into today’s specific difficulties in such a public forum, but to be honest, it hurts like hell.
In life, there are certain people who you are supposed to be able to trust. They come with titles to make it easy to distinguish them from everyone else who may or may not be trustworthy. They are your Father, Mother, Husband, Wife, etc. I’m not talking about the kid who you swore a blood oath to be best friends forever with in sixth grade but haven’t heard from in ten years.
Those of you who have been privy to the details of my personal life over the past couple years will understand the pain I’m trying to express. Maybe you yourself have experienced the same hurt. The kind that goes to the very depth of your soul because someone who should have always loved you actually left you—for good.
Leaving doesn’t always look the same, but it always feels the same to the person left behind. Even if someone is still physically present, they can leave. And then one day, just as you think you can pick up the pieces and somehow move forward, you get hit with it all again. Suddenly, the pain comes rushing back and you feel completely alone.
The funny thing about loneliness is that it’s not about people—it’s about persons. You can be in a crowd of people and still be completely alone. Sometimes, all it takes is one person to make all the difference in the world. If someone in your life, someone with a title, is missing, you can’t help but look for someone else.
People leave holes in our lives when they leave us. Those holes hurt. Some days, like today, it’s a sharp, throbbing pain that makes you just want to scream. Other days, it’s just a dull ache… but it’s still there. If you know this pain, I’m praying for you. I’d appreciate your prayers too.