I have a secret. Actually, it’s not mine. It’s someone else’s, so that makes it a secret secret. It’s a really good one, too. Not being able to share it is killing me! I usually don’t have so much trouble keeping secrets, but this is such good news! The world has way too much bad news in it. Everyone could really use something good happening.
You secret instigators know who you are. I say, if you have good news, please, shout it from the rooftops—or at least facebook! Why keep it a secret? I’m so tired of reading about everyone’s bad days and how they can’t sleep. I propose a moratorium on depressing statuses, even if that means I won’t have anything to say.
Having been entrusted with a secret, I take my responsibility very seriously. Wild horses couldn’t drag someone else’s secret from me. Therefore, I shall remain silent concerning this particular secret until the restriction is lifted. At that point, I fully expect there to be dancing. I was literally jumping up and down and screaming when I heard the news the first time.