This past weekend I traveled to Pittsburgh with my friend Amy Kelly, a brilliant photographer. Amy is one of those people who inspire me while simultaneously depressing me. She has been chasing her dream! Her photography has reached the point of artistry and her business has taken off. Spending hours in the car with her was like getting lost in a carnival’s house of mirrors.
As I have been examining my own life lately, I’ve come to realize that something is missing: a dream. There is no spark in my life, no Northern star. I’m doing alright for myself, making what some might call progress, but to what end? I have so much passion but have yet to find a suitable outlet for it, so it just diffuses into hundreds of insignificant diversions. I want more than a life that's just fine.
So many people are so sure of who they are and what they’re doing here. I envy that certainty. Where I am now is fine, but I know that it’s not where I want to be forever. However, lightning still has not struck. I figure that until I am inspired to move on, I should be content as I am. It has become incredibly frustrating to watch my friends’ souls catch fire and explode… while I lack even an ignition.
There are so many things that I could do with my life, but all of the truly important accomplishments escape me. My greatest dream is to be a wife and mother; that obviously isn’t happening any time soon, so what should I do in the meantime? If I could change even one person’s life, then I could know that my own has been valuable. Maybe the dream for my life will only be to catch fire.
As I have been examining my own life lately, I’ve come to realize that something is missing: a dream. There is no spark in my life, no Northern star. I’m doing alright for myself, making what some might call progress, but to what end? I have so much passion but have yet to find a suitable outlet for it, so it just diffuses into hundreds of insignificant diversions. I want more than a life that's just fine.
So many people are so sure of who they are and what they’re doing here. I envy that certainty. Where I am now is fine, but I know that it’s not where I want to be forever. However, lightning still has not struck. I figure that until I am inspired to move on, I should be content as I am. It has become incredibly frustrating to watch my friends’ souls catch fire and explode… while I lack even an ignition.
There are so many things that I could do with my life, but all of the truly important accomplishments escape me. My greatest dream is to be a wife and mother; that obviously isn’t happening any time soon, so what should I do in the meantime? If I could change even one person’s life, then I could know that my own has been valuable. Maybe the dream for my life will only be to catch fire.
I can totally relate! We have the same greatest dream. :) So... what am I doing with my "meantime" ?? Well, I am pursuing things that I am good at, things I enjoy. I am using and developing the skills that God has given me, and trying to be a good steward of the time He has given, which is really only today. For me that involves going back to school this fall to study the Word of God and Biblical languages.
ReplyDeleteReal life is a process. I have learned--and I'm still learning!--the importance of focusing on what I do have and what I do know as opposed to what I don't have and what I don't know. Waiting for the "lightning" to strike won't get you very far. I think it's easier to at least start moving in a direction first. That way if lightning does strike, you'll already have some momentum on your side. :)
I'll admit, sometimes going back to school feels a little insincere or half-hearted because it's not my first choice. But the way I feel about something shouldn't define how I respond to or interact with it. Because ultimately, wherever you are and whatever dream you're chasing, it will never really be fulfilling if God's not at the forefront. But I didn't have to tell you that. :)
When I lack direction, I find it helpful to remember to "Seek first His kingdom, and His righteousness and all these things [things that we NEED] will be added to you." --Matthew 6:33 If you need direction, He will provide it when the time comes.
Thanks for sharing this. As always, I appreciate your honesty. :)
Haha, oops, I didn't realize how long that comment was! Almost as long as your post. Haha! :-P
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